Friday, January 13, 2012


Yes, this post is probably gonna appeal to most of you. You guys know that for yourself that you love this topic. :) BUT it might not just turn out the way you want it to. So, I'd recommend you start reading this post with zero expectation.

I'm gonna talk about boy girl relationships for the first stage. Yup, because I don't really deal much with what happens AFTER the boy and the girl starts going out, more on the before.

Have you ever experienced trying to find for a partner desperately? Like you really really wanna be in a relationship and you just take up any Tom, Dick and Harry who comes your way? Then breaking up 2 weeks later to find out that you're not suitable for each other? Well, maybe it's time you put some price on yourself.

When talking about boy girl relationships,  you DO NOT want to be cheap. Meaning to say, throwing yourself to any person JUST SO THAT you can change your status from 'single and available' to 'taken'. I admit I don't have much experience but I reckon you would not need a degree to figure that out.

Any relationship which starts with immature thinking such as above will not last long.

Let's take a step further. WHY even be in a relationship? Because really, if you think of it logically, it's more of a relationshit. WHY? REASONS BELOW.

1. Less time for yourself.
2. Sharing does not mean caring here. It is compulsory.
3. Money spent. (Not good on your pockets people.)

Those are just FEW of the reasons why single people today are still single. BUT then again, those are reasons sour grape people give because they can't find a suitor for themselves. SO REALLY. Why have a relationship?

My answer may be as cliche, as simple, as corny, as lame as it sounds, but it's because we want to get married, have babies and make a family.

Sure, ask me why be in a relationship 5 years ago, I'll tell you it's because of finding "comfort" in others, finding "love", finding the "other one" whom you can trust and share your problems with. Now, those are all rubbish.

Before a person starts being in a relationship, he/she should be whole, which means complete. He/she should not need another person to complete them. Simple math, really.

1 = whole person
1/2 = non-whole person

So, 1 X 1 = 1 
(meaning a whole person together in a relationship with another whole person, you get a complete and happy relationship)

If you're not whole, 

1/2 X 1/2 = 1/4 (oooh. Not so nice.)

Get the picture?

So, before you start looking at other people and wonder how much this other person can impact your life, work on YOURSELF first. Don't be dependent on another person just because society asks you too. Have some price for yourself. You're worth more than that.

Now you ask me, so when exactly is the right time to start? and when exactly do I know I'm "whole"?

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy. Three things.

1. Financial and personal readiness
2. Emotional maturity 
3. Willingness to marry

I know right, sound so ah ma. Lol Especially number 3, BUT I tell you, it's needed.

1. Financial and personal readiness

We all know a relationship demands money and time. So why jump to it if we're not up to that level where we earn our own wages and can support ourselves. If we can't support ourselves, we definitely can't support other people. Make sense right?

Personal readiness simply means having time for the other person. Do you need to climb Mount Everest first? Do you need to make sure you get that big project first? Or do you need to find a job first? Do you need to achieve something for yourself first? If all your answers are yes, then no, you're not ready. Don't commit if you haven't got the TIME to give.

2. Emotional maturity

I cannot stress this enough. We all need to be mature enough to enter a relationship. There is NO WAY we can enter a relationship and expect our partners to think for our well-being. Those are for kids. You do not want your love life ending up like a father-daughter relationship or a mother-son relationship do you?

Key things are common values, common vision and compatibility. Make sure you are mature enough to accept the other person. Well, of course don't accept everything lah including the negatives. People are expected to improve themselves whilst in a relationship.

Here, I'm talking about being secure with your emotions. Don't get jealous too easily. Don't be quick to judge. Trust. Dependence. Know that you and your partner can be perfectly fine without each other's supervision. And of course, compatibility meaning tolerance. How well can you tolerate another person's imperfections and et cetera.

I'm not some genius but I can definitely say that "trust" alone have destroyed many many relationships and marriages because those couples just don't have it.

3. Willingness to marry

If you aren't ready to get married, gtfo from the relationship. Who needs a relationship where one party isn't serious? I know some "modern" thinking people gives the excuse saying, "oh, I'm not the kind of person who  takes commitment very well. I just wanna take it slow and see how things work out."

Well, screw you. No commitment, no relationship. Why waste time with one person who does not take you seriously, who does not put you important enough to be the special one in his/her life?

That is basically it for this post I guess. LOL. Yes, I'm expecting a lot of comeback from different groups of people because you guys might be offended. But then again, keep in mind this is only my opinion and my criteria. So, you can live life however you want it! Peace out people!


triShie said...

damn, girl!! a much needed reminder!! i think most of us KNOW these things but when it comes down to the crunch, all these fly out the window, or you just compromise here and there (*guilty*) and you're found speed-trying to brace yourself for a very.hard.fall (*extra guilty*).

i love how honest you are, i love how RIGHT you are :) thank you! x

Oridusartic said...

Straight points! And wow the math illustration that you did there is really enlighting. :D Your writing is awesome!

JQ Lee said...

Hahhaha! This is good. Some part is damn funny!

Mel..C said...

You have wisdom! (:

missyblurkit said...

good equations that makes up one of the few formulations of life.

i would substitute willingness to marry with willingness to commit as marriage is merely paper work and formality. that being said...i am married after being houdinied into marrying my partner of 4 years. flash foward, we're celebrating our 15 years of being together - a combination of 4 years of dating and 11 years of marriage:D

blessed new year girl!

Gabrielle Jee said...


Choulyew said...

trishie : haha thanks! :) yes, i'm sure many ppl are guilty of that hahaha

Oridusartic : Thanks so much!

JQ : haha glad u enjoyed it :)

Mel : aww thanks girl!

Missyblurkit : That's really sweet! Blessed new year to u and your family too :)

Gab : Awesome!

MichLeong said...

"Get the picture" Sounds so much like lecture. it's his tagline that I've been hearing for 14 weeks, nonstop.

And thumbs up the pointers :)

richard said...

so true weih! good insight :D

Choulyew said...

mich : haha THANKIUU!

rich : KAMSIAH!

huili said...

Nice one~~!!

Choulyew said...

thanks huili! :)

selena said...

I love this post..

It is point 3 that holds me back from getting involved in a relationship.

Choulyew said...

selena : thanks girl! :) same 3 points that is holding me back now too.